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And They Say Women are Stubborn and Expensive

    Oil Change Instructions

    Oil Change Instructions for Women:

    1/ Pull up to a quick lube change place when the mileage reaches 5000km since the last oil change.

    2/ Drink a cup of coffee.

    3/ 15 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

    Money Spent:
    Oil Change ... $20.00
    Coffee: ...... $3.00
    Total: ....... $23.00

    Oil Change Instructions for Men:

    1/ Drive to auto parts store, buy several litres of oil, oil filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, fork out $70.00.

    2/ Stop by the local bottleO, pay $40.00 for a slab of beer, drive home.

    3/ Open a beer and drink it.

    4/ Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

    5/ Find jack stands under kids pedal car, jack car up.

    6/ In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

    7/ Place drain pan under engine.

    8/ Look for open-ender spanner.

    9/ Give up and use shifter.

    10/ Unscrew drain plug.

    11/ Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil, splash hot oil on you in process and curse.

    12/ Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

    13/ Have another beer while watching oil drain.

    14/ Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

    15/ Give up, crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist it off.

    16/ Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash can to avoid environmental penalities. Drink a beer.

    17/ Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

    18/ Dump first litre of fresh oil into engine.

    19/ Remember drain plug from step 11.

    20/ Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

    21/ Drink Beer.

    22/ Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter over spilt oil.

    23/ Get drain plug back in with a minor spill. Drink beer.

    24/ Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid shifter tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

    25/ Begin cursing the shifter.

    26/ Throw stupid shifter.

    27/ Swear for additional five minutes because shifter hit bowling trophy.

    28/ Beer.

    29/ Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

    30/ Beer.

    31/ Dump in two fresh litres of oil.

    32/ Beer.

    33/ Lower car from jack stands.

    34/ Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

    35/ Beer.

    36/ Test drive car.

    37/ Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.

    38/ Car gets impounded.

    39/ Call loving wife to bail you out of jail.

    40/ 12 hours later, get car from impoundment yard.

    Money Spent:
    Parts: ........ $70.00
    DUI Fine: ..... $1500
    Impound fee: .. $75.00
    Beer: ......... $40.00
    Total: ........ $1685.00

    But you know the job was done right!

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