"At our last stand," quoth he, "I noticed a man laughing while I was doing my turn. Honest, now! My, how he laughed! He laughed until he split. Till he split, mind you. Thinks I to myself, I'll just find out about the man and so, when the show was over, I went up to him.
"My friend," says I, "I've heard that there's nothing in a name, but are you not one of the Wood family?"
"I am," says he, "and what's more, my grandfather was a Pine!"
"No Wood, you know, splits any easier than a Pine." - Ramsey Benson.